Promotion may perhaps seems like more of a struggle now than it ever has this season, but there must be someone at the helm of West Ham United who is mentally planning for a campaign in the Premier League next year in order for us to be fully prepared. Although our squad has proved to be sufficient to keep us in contention for the automatic promotion spots, there is no doubt that some strengthening must be done if we are to survive comfortably in the top of league of English football and allow Sam Allardyce to continue his progress with us in 2013. Here are five suggestions who he should consider enquiring about in the summer transfer window if we are to be promoted:
1. Nathaniel Clyne
Most young talented English players are linked to the likes of Manchester United, and Clyne is not exempt, however, if a big side doesn’t approach him in the summer, he could be tempted by a move to West Ham. Our reputation of providing opportunities for young footballers, the prospect of first-team Premiership games and staying in London are likely to be big selling points for Clyne who is yet to experience the top-flight and may be getting itchy feet at remaining in the Championship as he moves into his twenties. The right-back position has been rather inconsistent at West Ham this season due to Guy Demel’s injury troubles and so it has been occupied by the likes of Winston Reid, Julien Faubert and mainly, Joey O’Brien. Clyne is an exciting prospect and is also consistent, having played every single game of last season’s campaign. He’s a good player now, but he’s certainly one for the future as well; hopefully that future can be at Upton Park.
2. Robert Snodgrass
It was rumoured that we looked into this possibility in January but that ultimately turned out to be fruitless; I’m sure that Premier League status would give us far more power to push this transfer through. Although just 24 years of age, the Scottish international has made 158 appearances for Leeds and although Neil Warnock’s reign has started well, if Leeds remain in the Championship, it’s possible that Snodgrass would seek a move which would elevate him to the Premiership. Snodgrass is one of the most creative players in the Championship, having provided the assist for 11 goals, but has also managed to notch 12 himself, that’s more than any of our players and that’s from midfield! We’ve lacked creativity from midfield this year so he would be an extremely valuable addition.
3. Matt Jarvis
This one’s for the opposite side of the field to Snodgrass; Jarvis has played on the left-wing for Wolves in the Premier League for a number of seasons now and his form has even led to a call-up for England, the first Wolves player to do so since 1990! West Ham’s team has really lacked quality from out wide this year with Matt Taylor the only player seemingly capable of delivering a quality cross, these two would really add a different dimension to our team and would be certain to provide goals and chip in with a few themselves. If Wolves are relegated, which it looks like they are going to be, Jarvis could be a real option. If we’re not able to sign him we could look into the possibility of Peter Whittingham at Cardiff.
4. Victor Moses
There was a time when Moses was being linked with Barcelona, seriously. Of course this was probably courtesy of media-hype and a very, very good agent but there is no doubt that Moses has quality and would be a good addition to our side. Although we have already mentioned two wingers, Snodgrass can operate in the centre and Moses offers the raw speed, which the previous two are not so renowned for, that we have arguably lacked this year. Moses has also featured up front on various occasions and could therefore be perfect for Sam Allardyce’s regular switches from 4-4-2 to 4-5-1 throughout a game. Apparently Moses has suggested that he will not be sticking around if Wigan drop to the Championship so this could be a realistic addition.
5. Steven Fletcher
It’s never very pleasant to raid a relegated club, but if Wolves were to go down, a double-deal for Fletcher and Jarvis would mean good business. It’s been frustratingly long since we’ve had a really good finisher of chances at West Ham, and although perhaps not given great recognition, Fletcher is one of these. He has scored 20 Premiership goals in 49 games for Wolves, but his chance conversion rate is even more impressive. Wolves have never created a lot of chances, and one of the reasons they have managed to survive thus far is due to Fletcher’s efficiency; stats taken in February show that Demba Ba’s chance conversion rate was 63%, Robin Van Persie’s was 49% and incredibly, Steven Fletcher’s was 79%! We haven’t created a lot of chances this year, but those that we have, we’ve often been unable to finish; replacing Carlton Cole with Fletcher would’ve put us top of the league, and that is with Cole’s statistics being taken from the Championship and Fletcher’s from the Premier League. We know Allardyce is a fan of statistics so it is unlikely that Fletcher has gone unnoticed by him.
We have certainly paved a tough road to the Premier League, but a victory against Reading at the weekend could completely turn that around and give us back the momentum which we need to penetrate the automatic promotion spots. Each of these players would certainly be exciting additions to a decent squad who have certainly lacked the energy, speed, flair and confidence, which these players could offer, on far too many occasions.
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Sunday, 25 March 2012
Saturday, 17 March 2012
10 things to ask Big Sam Allardyce
You’re at the pub one evening and as you stroll up to the bar, you notice the unmistakeable figure of Sam Allardyce himself sitting on a stool with his sixth pint in hand. Now’s your chance to ask him some real questions off the record, with which he can be completely open without the fear of it covering the back-page of The Sun the following day. Here are ten suggestions…
1. What do you really make of the West Ham fans?
There is still very much a strong group of vocal fans who reject Allardyce as our boss because of his ‘long-ball’, physical tactics and incompatibility with playing ‘the West Ham way’, so it would be interesting to hear if the fact that he has not been fully accepted affects Allardyce. Additionally, his team have performed better away from home and have been subject to boos at Upton Park on more than one occasion; so does Allardyce see the fans as a ‘claret and blue army’, or a thorn in his side who continually criticise him and create a hostile atmosphere for his team?
2. Was it a difficult decision to join West Ham?
There’s no doubt that the Hammers are a sizeable club and provided a great opportunity for Allardyce, but was he concerned about the pressure which would be placed on him to catapult them back into the Premier League at the first time of asking? Also, was he a little bitter about not being chosen to replace Avram Grant in January of last year, having been overlooked whilst Martin O’Neill was available?
3. How is it working with David Sullivan, David Gold and Karren Brady?
We’re sure that Allardyce would’ve been a little sceptical about working with these three after their regular media outbursts prior to his arrival, however it seems that they have toned things down since he joined, suggesting that this was a request when he signed his contract. So how has it been ever since? Are they good to deal with in terms of transfers and have there been any disagreements?
4. Who’s our best player?
It would be interesting to hear from Allardyce, who has been a manager since 1991 and watches the players in training every day, who he genuinely believes is our best player. There is certainly a strong affinity between him and Kevin Nolan but it’s probable that he would go for someone else; perhaps Abdoulaye Faye, James Tomkins or Mark Noble? Or could it be a shock candidate?
5. Did you think Carlton Cole would be better than he is?
When Allardyce signed for West Ham, he was probably rubbing his hands together at the prospect of a 6’ 3”, 12st 3lb, England international striker at his disposal in the second tier of English football who would seemingly fit in perfectly with Allardyce’s system which regularly features a target-man. However, although he has scored a few goals, he has failed to set the world alight, so do you think Allardyce is a little disappointed by him?
6. What do you see in Jack Collison?
Collison started his West Ham career with a string of impressive performances which suggested he had great potential. However, since a long-term injury, he has had a tendency to appear rather ineffectual in games and often pulls out of challenges. Despite seemingly offering little to nothing, Allardyce consistently chooses him, so what do you see in him Sam and how far do you realistically think he can go?
7. Do you have concerns about Ravel Morrison’s personality?
It seems that Morrison is a highly-regarded young player with enormous potential, and that is certainly why Allardyce decided to sign him. But it would be interesting to hear if this was a difficult decision due to concerns about his previous convictions and whether Allardyce feared he could unsettle the camp. Also, how long until we see him in the first-team?
8. How far can Mark Noble go?
We have all been impressed with Noble this season and he definitely holds a place in our hearts with regards to his commitment to West Ham United, but it would be interesting to listen to someone who has been involved in the game for as long as Allardyce talk about how good he really thinks Noble is. The England national team is a long way off as it currently stands, but could it ever happen for Noble?
9. Have you had any disappointing transfer failings since your time at West Ham?
We’re all aware that West Ham made enquiries about Carlos Tevez and Fernando Torres in January; however I think it’s fair to say that these were always cheeky, unrealistic ventures which were never expected to come off. But has there been anyone who Allardyce hasn’t managed to get who he expected to and wanted to improve our squad? El-Hadji Diouf may have been frustratingly blocked due to fan-power, but is there anyone else he has missed out on and who does he blame for the move not coming to fruition?
10. How far do you believe you can take West Ham?
Allardyce has always been confident in his own ability, previously declaring “I would be suited to Inter or Real Madrid”, so how far does he really think he can take West Ham and how long does he plan to stay? We know that he is ambitious and we saw him take Bolton into Europe, so does he see that as the aim at West Ham, and is he excited about our future under him? Could this be the job which makes him a managerial icon?
It would certainly make for an interesting chat, but it’s unlikely that we will ever know the answers to these questions whilst he remains at the helm of the club. But keep them in mind just in case you bump into the big man after a few too many one night. His answers could lead him to develop a much better connection with the West Ham faithful, or alternatively alienate him further in an already strained relationship.
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Sunday, 11 March 2012
Rickie Lambert is not the answer for West Ham
The result against Watford was certainly a disappointing one although the performance was rather typical of how we have played throughout the season. We look solid at 0-0 and if we are to get a goal then you fancy that we will go on and win it; but we never look fierce enough to come back and win from a goal down. Against Doncaster, even our ability to hold on to the 1-0 lead faltered.
Sam Allardyce not only suggested that someone like Southampton’s Rickie Lambert would’ve won us the game, but would’ve won us the Championship already! Although there is no doubt that Lambert has been vital to Southampton this season and is a top player, this comment is an unfair insult to our strikers.
“Sticking the ball in the back of the net”, as Allardyce eloquently puts it, has been the main problem of late, but this is more due to the lack of clear-cut chances we are creating than poor strikers. Reflecting on both games, I can think of very few chances which I would’ve genuinely expected one of our strikers to finish.
Whatever you think of Carlton Cole, although he is not the greatest finisher, he has earned seven England caps and scored 40 goals for us over his time here, and so it is clear that Cole does have the ability, even if he does not always show it.
It has become quite a cliché that Cole is a ‘confidence player’ who thrives on encouragement, so Allardyce’s praise of his striking counterparts for other teams is unlikely to have a positive impact on his performances.
Similarly, Nicky Maynard obviously has the ability to score goals and is someone who I have wanted us to sign for a number of years. His first goal for the club against Blackpool exemplified the kind of close-range, instinctive finishes that we purchased him for. Since that goal, with the exception of a couple of chances at Cardiff, Maynard has rarely had the opportunity to score this kind of goal.
Playing Cole and Maynard up front together on Wednesday night looked like an exciting combination however the duo never really managed to show their capabilities. There was a clear lack of chemistry between the pair which can only be created over more time playing together; however, if the results with two strikers continue to be as fruitless as that, the ruthless nature of football means we will swiftly revert back to one up top.
With Maynard such a new addition, it is rather thoughtless of Allardyce to publicly commend Lambert, perhaps suggesting a hint of regret that he had to settle for Maynard instead. I would’ve encouraged Allardyce to give Maynard another chance to play alongside Cole against Doncaster as he needs to net a home goal to boost his confidence.
Sam Baldock, previously the forgotten man, has looked very lively when he has been brought on recently, however I don’t hesitate to suggest that when both are at their best, Maynard is the better player and the one more likely to adjust to the Premier League. However he needs time to become successful at West Ham in the Championship if he is to be able to make the step-up next year (assuming we gain promotion) and for success he needs goals, and for goals he needs chances.
This begs the question as to whether Allardyce should be looking to criticise his midfielders rather than his strikers. The reality is that Southampton have five players who have achieved more assists than West Ham’s highest entry, Matty Taylor with five.
There is no doubt that Allardyce has identified this and looked to sign Leeds winger Robert Snodgrass in January, who has created ten goals this season; but as his efforts have proved futile, he has shifted the blame to the attack.
Allardyce himself admits that Kevin Nolan is “not a midfield player-maker”, and with Mark Noble holding a very deep role in midfield, there is little to no creativity coming from the middle of the park. In terms of wingers, Julien Faubert has had a better season but still only delivers one in twenty of his crosses to a satisfactory standard and the new addition Ricardo Vaz Te is evidently more comfortable with a central role.
Our finest creative player is obviously Matt Taylor whose quality of delivery is unsurpassed by anyone else in our squad. However this is just as obvious to the opposition who look to close him down quickly and keep him as far away from the by-line as possible, meaning that his possession of the ball often climaxes with a shot from distance rather than a chance for the strikers.
You may have forgotten about Ravel Morrison, who signed for us in January from Manchester United upon a wave of excitement, as he has yet to get anywhere near the first team. However, despite concerns about his attitude, it could be time to draft him in to the starting eleven. It’s not possible that he could’ve offered anything less than Jack Collison did on Saturday.
Morrison has been labelled one of the best prospects to have been in Manchester United’s illustrious youth academy in recent years, and has been compared to Paul Scholes by those who have watched him. Having seen the effect that the return of Scholes has had on United’s performances, perhaps we should be looking to bring in Morrison in an effort to improve our own. After being abandoned by Sir Alex Ferguson, it is likely that Morrison’s fiery attitude will push him to prove Ferguson’s assessment that he is not worth the hassle to be wrong.
Additionally, we have players like Henri Lansbury who could operate in a more creative midfield role but have been forced into makeshift roles all over the field including right-wing, right-back and goalkeeper! Surely it is obvious as to why we are failing to create as many chances as we should be.
I’m no critic of Allardyce but I certainly feel that he should consider different things he could do with his own squad before complimenting the players of others. All his statement about Lambert is likely to do is give the Southampton striker added belief that he is better than our players and to score more goals to keep the Saints at the top of the league, and thus leave us trailing in second place.
Carlton Cole obviously didn’t react particularly well against Doncaster as his performance left much to be desired. Let’s hope we create more chances against Leeds and “stick the ball in the back of the net” as many times as possible, otherwise another winless game could give Reading the momentum to jump ahead of us in the automatic promotion spots.
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Friday, 9 March 2012
West Ham fans should appreciate Kevin Nolan
It was a fantastic victory at the notoriously tough Cardiff City stadium on Sunday. Admittedly whilst their legs were seizing up in fits of cramp on the hallowed turf of Wembley a week previously, ours were resting peacefully on a beach in Dubai whilst watching them cry, but we don’t want to undermine our team of a vital win.
We’ve all been guilty of disparaging the ability of Kevin Nolan this season but stick a TV camera in front of him and he’s bound to score. We were all expecting a world-beater following the abundance of broadcasted goals when he signed in the summer, but now, probably like Bolton and Newcastle fans, we understand the true limitations of Kevin Nolan whereas the average football fan may still be scratching his head as to why Nolan has never earned an England cap whilst the likes of Francis Jeffers, Michael Ricketts and David Nugent have. To be fair they’re probably entitled to that question.
It was interesting that at the end of the game, Sam Allardyce wanted to highlight the point that “Kevin Nolan is a midfielder goal-scorer; he's not a midfielder playmaker”, and I personally think that if he had done so sooner that we would all have a far more positive perception of Nolan.
Being billed as the replacement for Scott Parker did not put Nolan in an easy position when he first joined, especially because he is a completely different player. Nolan was promoted as the new talisman, instantaneously given the captain’s armband and took over Parker’s role as the model for every West Ham advertising campaign; obviously an effective marketing strategy considering the amount of fans regretfully lumbering around the Boleyn with ‘NOLAN’ slapped on their backs.
But as soon as the anticipation was over and he finally stepped onto the pitch, the feeling has been much of disappointment and frustration despite an impressive amount of goals. This is mainly because he isn’t there to dramatically save the day and break up every move by diving in front of a thundering strike, nor does he emphatically dribble through the middle of the pitch or pivot in a circle; he isn’t Scott Parker.
Whilst we have all recognized that Mark Noble has taken on somewhat of a ‘Parker-role’ this season, we have also expected Nolan to climb into his skin, but Nolan is a completely different animal to what we have ever had before.
As Allardyce says, “he puts himself in very dangerous positions in the box and finds the quality and the finish that's basically only afforded to the top centre-forwards”. It’s refreshing as a West Ham fan to hear Allardyce admit that Nolan is not the most technically gifted of players and outline what he truly offers.
I’m sure David Sullivan and David Gold felt that Nolan would swiftly assume a place in the fans’ hearts but unfortunately this hasn’t happened at all. He has been billed a failure by most fans, but this is because he has failed to be Parker; in reality he has succeeded in achieving what Sam Allardyce employed him for and has been a very shrewd acquisition.
We were all very proud of Parker captaining England last week, and he truly does deserve it, but even phone-in show hosts had to remind many sycophantic Hammers that Parker has now moved on to our rivals. Although it is nice that our special relationship with Parker remains intact, we desperately need to allow Nolan the room to climb out of his shadow so we can appreciate him for what he is.
I have very much been one of Nolan’s harshest critics this season but I think I now understand that he must be judged on a completely different criterion to what he has been. In the manner that you can forgive a striker for not being particularly inspiring throughout a game if he nets the winner, we must forgive Nolan.
When he was punished with a three-match ban following his dismissal in the Millwall game, I was somewhat looking forward to seeing the team without Nolan, but it is easy to see that we are a far more efficient machine with him in the side.
He may not be as obviously effective as Parker was last season, and as Mark Noble has been this year, but his leadership keeps us very disciplined and it is difficult to see the team losing a lead due to a lack of concentration with him continually encouraging them to maintain their performance until the final whistle.
His presence evidently made a difference at the weekend and may have spurred us on to get the equalizer against Watford. So before you descend into an angry rage following a wayward pass from Nolan against Doncaster (there will be at least one), remember that there was ‘only one Scotty Parker’, but equally Nolan is an important and unique player himself.
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Worst West Ham XI since the Premier League began
GK – Stephen Bywater
You never did feel comfortable with Bywater in goal. Remarkably, West Ham signed Bywater from Rochdale as a 16 year-old, for a fee that could rise to 1.75 million! Big things were expected from Stephen but it was only in 2000 after Shaka Hislop suffered a broken leg that he could make his debut, and Bradford managed to knock 4 past him! Once we were relegated in 2003, the door finally opened for Bywater to make the number one spot his own, but his terrible kicking and uncertain handling meant he was replaced by Jimmy Walker, and then Roy Carroll, and then Shaka Hislop once more and so, expectedly; his Hammers career fizzled out from there. He seemed like a nice guy but he was never good enough to be our goalkeeper.
LB – Wayne Quinn
Remember him? I’ll admit that I thought he looked decent on his debut but it all went down-hill from there. Quinn was signed on loan from Newcastle with the club desperately needing a left-back, but it soon became clear that we may have as well plucked someone from the local park instead of him, literally, because that’s where Quinn’s been ever since. Quinn hasn’t played professional football since he left West Ham in 2004 at the age of 28! Unable to find a club, Quinn now manages and plays for the famous Penzance A.F.C. in Cornwall.
CB – Christian Dailly
We called him a footballing genius, we admired the curly hair and he was allowed access to the wife of every singing Hammers fan, but he was truly terrible. It’s quite remarkable that Christian Dailly was, at one time, our captain and also had the armband for Scotland; that shows you how bad our last Championship team was compared to this one. The main reason Dailly makes the team is due to his vital role in the third relegation of his career when we went down in 2003 and his shaky performances in the Championship the following season. Again there’s no hard feeling but he’s a certain selection.
RB – Gary Breen
On the back of a pretty successful World Cup with Ireland, Glenn Roeder signed Breen on a free; in fact, it was later revealed he agreed to join Inter Milan at this time but failed a medical (although it was Breen who claimed that). It looked like an astute piece of business but soon proved to be a destructive addition. He made 18 appearances for the club in each of which he looked equally terrible and made a major contribution to our relegation. He has become somewhat of a scapegoat for that relegation, of course the other players were obviously at fault but Breen deserves all the criticism he gets for that campaign.
RM – Yaniv Katan
Katan only made 6 appearances for West Ham, in each of which he looked somewhat lost. Signed by Alan Pardew on a recommendation from fellow Israeli Yossi Benayoun, Katan didn’t stand much of a chance playing any more games than he did with Marlon Harewood, Teddy Sheringham, Dean Ashton and Bobby Zamora all vying for places, but he certainly didn’t seem to try particuarly hard. Katan’s Hammers career ended with a whimper as he returned to Maccabi Haifa at the end of season, having little more impact than a £100,000 loss on our balance sheet.
LM – Luis Boa Morte
Boa Morte makes the team due to how much of a disappointment he was. Luis was one of Alan Curbishley’s many expensive and ‘proven’ Premiership buys, and most of us thought we had signed a technically gifted, goal scoring winger. How wrong we were. We realised that all of those times we had admired Boa Morte on ‘Match of the Day’ were very much in the past after he sluggishly waddled down the wing and mistimed tackle after tackle during games for the Hammers. I seriously find it difficult to believe that it was the same player at Fulham and that he has 28 Portugal caps! Surprisingly, Boa Morte actually made 91 appearances for West Ham; he was eventually transformed into a defensive midfielder such was his complete absence of flair. Glad to get that one off the wage bill.
CM – Nigel Quashie
With West Ham in the midst of a relegation dogfight, in January, Curbishley decided to sign someone who was experienced in these situations, and so opted for Quashie. The thing is, Southampton and Portsmouth had both the same thing in the 2 previous years, and had both ended up relegated. If it wasn’t for a fortunate persistent foot-injury, I believe we would’ve gone the same way. Quite simply the worst player I have ever seen in a West Ham shirt. Quashie has become the personification of ‘relegation’ and the reason as to why we signed him is beyond me.
CM – Richard Garcia
I’m still in shock that Garcia is 30 years-old! Being the main goal-scorer for the famed youth team of 1999, big things were expected from the Australian; however he never managed to live up to the hype. Garcia was pushed into first-team action on a few occasions when we were in the Premier League, but failed to make an impact; once we were relegated it was thought that he could really start to make a mark in first-team football, but even in an attacking crisis, Garcia was useless. He failed to hit the net for West Ham and has since played for Leyton Orient, Colchester and Hull where he is still surprisingly enjoying a decent spell. However, 8 goals in 108 appearances still don’t suggest fulfilled potential.
ST – Titi Camara
Upon signing for Harry Redknapp, Camara defiantly announced that he had come to “to play, play, play - and score, score, score”; how ironic that statement now seems considering he only managed 11 games and did not once hit the net. He became somewhat of a cult hero at Liverpool due to pure pity for his inadequacy and as he chipped in with the odd goal, but the West Ham fans were not so sympathetic to him. Camara is quoted as one of the reasons for Harry Redknapp’s departure due to the board losing trust in his ability in the transfer market; he’s made his name as ‘a bit of a wheeler dealer’ in recent times (don’t tell him that though!), but he definitely made a mistake with this one.
ST – Marco Boogers
You saw this one coming and you’ve heard the story a million times but he has to be in there. Boogers was another of Redknapp’s collection of West Ham mistakes; signed for £1 million, Boogers was sent off in his second appearance for the Hammers after a ‘horror tackle’ on Gary Neville which suggested he didn’t even know the laws of the game. After this, Boogers went AWOL and pleaded to return to his home country on the basis of mental illness, whilst simultaneously protesting “I’m not mental!”, I think that says it all. The depressed Boogers was swiftly drafted back to his native Holland.
ST – Benni McCarthy
The third striker of the attack is a difficult decision. Neil Mellor was awful, and as was Mido, but the spot is going to go to McCarthy. This signing really did undermine the managerial talent of Gianfranco Zola after it was revealed he begged for McCarthy to be signed as the ‘saviour’ of our season. The Hammers had come close to signing McCarthy before after a successful Champions League spell with Porto, however eventually opted for Dean Ashton. Instead McCarthy joined Blackburn and looked like a good player until he was frozen out of first-team duties for ‘fitness reasons’. When McCarthy rolled onto the field for his Hammers debut it was easy to see why. McCarthy didn’t even make it into South Africa’s world cup squad was fined almost £200,000 by West Ham for being ‘too fat’. His contract was eventually terminated after 11 goalless games and he can only be remembered as a large waste of money, in every sense of the word.
Manager – Glenn Roeder,
This was honestly the hardest decision of the lot; the choice between Glenn Roeder and Avram Grant to manage this bunch of outcasts. In the end we’ve given the nod to Roeder, and that says a lot about him as a manager. Although Grant’s team was good, admittedly they weren’t world-beaters under Gianfranco Zola in the previous season. On the other hand, the team that Roeder had taken over had finished 7th in the Premier League before they plummeted to the old division one in spectacular fashion, with a side sporting many England international regulars over the last few years. Roeder returned to manage the Hammers after illness, citing ‘unfinished business’ as the reason; however it looked like he simply wanted to take them further down the leagues. Eventually, much to the relief of the supporters, Roeder was sacked following a defeat to Rotherham. It was definitely for the best.
Promotions, relegations and unstable management have meant various squad reshufflings over the years, and although this has meant we’ve had some fantastic players, we’ve certainly had our share of terrible ones. This eleven is not one to be proud of.
You never did feel comfortable with Bywater in goal. Remarkably, West Ham signed Bywater from Rochdale as a 16 year-old, for a fee that could rise to 1.75 million! Big things were expected from Stephen but it was only in 2000 after Shaka Hislop suffered a broken leg that he could make his debut, and Bradford managed to knock 4 past him! Once we were relegated in 2003, the door finally opened for Bywater to make the number one spot his own, but his terrible kicking and uncertain handling meant he was replaced by Jimmy Walker, and then Roy Carroll, and then Shaka Hislop once more and so, expectedly; his Hammers career fizzled out from there. He seemed like a nice guy but he was never good enough to be our goalkeeper.
LB – Wayne Quinn
Remember him? I’ll admit that I thought he looked decent on his debut but it all went down-hill from there. Quinn was signed on loan from Newcastle with the club desperately needing a left-back, but it soon became clear that we may have as well plucked someone from the local park instead of him, literally, because that’s where Quinn’s been ever since. Quinn hasn’t played professional football since he left West Ham in 2004 at the age of 28! Unable to find a club, Quinn now manages and plays for the famous Penzance A.F.C. in Cornwall.
CB – Christian Dailly
We called him a footballing genius, we admired the curly hair and he was allowed access to the wife of every singing Hammers fan, but he was truly terrible. It’s quite remarkable that Christian Dailly was, at one time, our captain and also had the armband for Scotland; that shows you how bad our last Championship team was compared to this one. The main reason Dailly makes the team is due to his vital role in the third relegation of his career when we went down in 2003 and his shaky performances in the Championship the following season. Again there’s no hard feeling but he’s a certain selection.
RB – Gary Breen
On the back of a pretty successful World Cup with Ireland, Glenn Roeder signed Breen on a free; in fact, it was later revealed he agreed to join Inter Milan at this time but failed a medical (although it was Breen who claimed that). It looked like an astute piece of business but soon proved to be a destructive addition. He made 18 appearances for the club in each of which he looked equally terrible and made a major contribution to our relegation. He has become somewhat of a scapegoat for that relegation, of course the other players were obviously at fault but Breen deserves all the criticism he gets for that campaign.
RM – Yaniv Katan
Katan only made 6 appearances for West Ham, in each of which he looked somewhat lost. Signed by Alan Pardew on a recommendation from fellow Israeli Yossi Benayoun, Katan didn’t stand much of a chance playing any more games than he did with Marlon Harewood, Teddy Sheringham, Dean Ashton and Bobby Zamora all vying for places, but he certainly didn’t seem to try particuarly hard. Katan’s Hammers career ended with a whimper as he returned to Maccabi Haifa at the end of season, having little more impact than a £100,000 loss on our balance sheet.
LM – Luis Boa Morte
Boa Morte makes the team due to how much of a disappointment he was. Luis was one of Alan Curbishley’s many expensive and ‘proven’ Premiership buys, and most of us thought we had signed a technically gifted, goal scoring winger. How wrong we were. We realised that all of those times we had admired Boa Morte on ‘Match of the Day’ were very much in the past after he sluggishly waddled down the wing and mistimed tackle after tackle during games for the Hammers. I seriously find it difficult to believe that it was the same player at Fulham and that he has 28 Portugal caps! Surprisingly, Boa Morte actually made 91 appearances for West Ham; he was eventually transformed into a defensive midfielder such was his complete absence of flair. Glad to get that one off the wage bill.
CM – Nigel Quashie
With West Ham in the midst of a relegation dogfight, in January, Curbishley decided to sign someone who was experienced in these situations, and so opted for Quashie. The thing is, Southampton and Portsmouth had both the same thing in the 2 previous years, and had both ended up relegated. If it wasn’t for a fortunate persistent foot-injury, I believe we would’ve gone the same way. Quite simply the worst player I have ever seen in a West Ham shirt. Quashie has become the personification of ‘relegation’ and the reason as to why we signed him is beyond me.
CM – Richard Garcia
I’m still in shock that Garcia is 30 years-old! Being the main goal-scorer for the famed youth team of 1999, big things were expected from the Australian; however he never managed to live up to the hype. Garcia was pushed into first-team action on a few occasions when we were in the Premier League, but failed to make an impact; once we were relegated it was thought that he could really start to make a mark in first-team football, but even in an attacking crisis, Garcia was useless. He failed to hit the net for West Ham and has since played for Leyton Orient, Colchester and Hull where he is still surprisingly enjoying a decent spell. However, 8 goals in 108 appearances still don’t suggest fulfilled potential.
ST – Titi Camara
Upon signing for Harry Redknapp, Camara defiantly announced that he had come to “to play, play, play - and score, score, score”; how ironic that statement now seems considering he only managed 11 games and did not once hit the net. He became somewhat of a cult hero at Liverpool due to pure pity for his inadequacy and as he chipped in with the odd goal, but the West Ham fans were not so sympathetic to him. Camara is quoted as one of the reasons for Harry Redknapp’s departure due to the board losing trust in his ability in the transfer market; he’s made his name as ‘a bit of a wheeler dealer’ in recent times (don’t tell him that though!), but he definitely made a mistake with this one.
ST – Marco Boogers
You saw this one coming and you’ve heard the story a million times but he has to be in there. Boogers was another of Redknapp’s collection of West Ham mistakes; signed for £1 million, Boogers was sent off in his second appearance for the Hammers after a ‘horror tackle’ on Gary Neville which suggested he didn’t even know the laws of the game. After this, Boogers went AWOL and pleaded to return to his home country on the basis of mental illness, whilst simultaneously protesting “I’m not mental!”, I think that says it all. The depressed Boogers was swiftly drafted back to his native Holland.
ST – Benni McCarthy
The third striker of the attack is a difficult decision. Neil Mellor was awful, and as was Mido, but the spot is going to go to McCarthy. This signing really did undermine the managerial talent of Gianfranco Zola after it was revealed he begged for McCarthy to be signed as the ‘saviour’ of our season. The Hammers had come close to signing McCarthy before after a successful Champions League spell with Porto, however eventually opted for Dean Ashton. Instead McCarthy joined Blackburn and looked like a good player until he was frozen out of first-team duties for ‘fitness reasons’. When McCarthy rolled onto the field for his Hammers debut it was easy to see why. McCarthy didn’t even make it into South Africa’s world cup squad was fined almost £200,000 by West Ham for being ‘too fat’. His contract was eventually terminated after 11 goalless games and he can only be remembered as a large waste of money, in every sense of the word.
Manager – Glenn Roeder,
This was honestly the hardest decision of the lot; the choice between Glenn Roeder and Avram Grant to manage this bunch of outcasts. In the end we’ve given the nod to Roeder, and that says a lot about him as a manager. Although Grant’s team was good, admittedly they weren’t world-beaters under Gianfranco Zola in the previous season. On the other hand, the team that Roeder had taken over had finished 7th in the Premier League before they plummeted to the old division one in spectacular fashion, with a side sporting many England international regulars over the last few years. Roeder returned to manage the Hammers after illness, citing ‘unfinished business’ as the reason; however it looked like he simply wanted to take them further down the leagues. Eventually, much to the relief of the supporters, Roeder was sacked following a defeat to Rotherham. It was definitely for the best.
Promotions, relegations and unstable management have meant various squad reshufflings over the years, and although this has meant we’ve had some fantastic players, we’ve certainly had our share of terrible ones. This eleven is not one to be proud of.
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